Do you have any idea how little work it really takes to connect with a married person who has already allowed their eye to stray? As we explored in the previous chapter, co-cheaters don’t need to do much to “convince” the other person to have an affair. Quite honestly, the cheater will often do the work of pursuing someone else. It’s stunning, really. Sad, but stunning.

What we didn’t explore was the reason why it’s so easy for them to put thought to action, and I think the reason is sneakier than you might suspect. See, married people are already more relaxed around the opposite sex than they were when single. They’ve generally let down their fear of getting hit on and/or rejected, because they’re taken – and they have the ring to prove it. The ring on that finger makes them safe, or at least they thought it did, earlier in their marriage. Now, that sense of safety can breed a relaxation. The same ease that they’ve acquired over years of marriage becomes a potential cheating death trap, because it removes a normally formidable wall to befriending people who might be a love interest. Combine that with the innate belief that they are no longer as “desirable” to others as an unmarried would be and you’ve kicked the door wide open for an affair.

The healed soul, or even the person well along on the soul-communion process sees Red Flags very differently. When you’ve gone in and done the truly deep work of confronting and excising the BS core beliefs you formerly could not even see about yourself, what naturally grows in their place is a greater awareness of your authentic voice and identity, needs and feelings inside and on your skin. See, the purpose and power of awareness is not just in seeing what’s truly going on around you, but, far more importantly, it’s real punch comes from being able to sense, moment to moment, what is going on inside yourself, the real stuff, not just your reactions because of stuff from your past that has caused you to be triggered.

There are few patterns I’ve seen more consistently over the years, than the proclivity people have to give in to fear when it comes to self-help and the whole realm of healing and growing self. That’s how powerful fear is. The pain in your life mustbecome unbearable before it can push you through your fears. The fear is of the stuff that is dragging you down most inside. Thus, the work of healing and growing selfto full authenticity and ALIVENESS, is conversation between you and your own fear.

One of the newer words to work its way into common parlance, at least vis-à-vis dating and relationships, is ‘love-bombing,’ wherein a person you’re dating showers you with attention, gifts, kind words, affection, and everything you thought you ever wanted, building a strong emotional bond in you. You become convinced you’ve finally – FINALLY! – found the person you’ve been looking for your whole life. You don’t just fall. You fall hard!